Monday, November 14, 2005


Today I had to break down and open up a can of Whoop Ass at work.

No, seriously.

We get all kinds of weird organic-y products at work, and Jones Soda Co. sent us a crate of their new energy drink, Whoop Ass. It comes in totally cute Japanamation-y cans and lists as its main ingredients Taurine, which I guess is like a mild liquid speed, and, to counteract that, Royal Jelly, which, from my internet research, I have determined to be some sort of good-for-you bee secretion. Yeah, I don't know.

What I do know is this: they sure got the "Ass" part right. Bleck! It tasted like crushed-up asprin with a sting-y, tart-y afterbite. We — the brave few who tried it (b/c of the desperate need for a pick-me-up) — agreed that it would be many many times better with vodka, and we tried to psych ourselves into believing there was some in there.

I'm not too convinced that our attempts at psychosomatic intoxication were fruitful, though, because even on nights when I haven't thrown a few back, I'm usually old-ladying it up and in bed at 10 p.m. But right now I feel positively chipper. A little wound up, but chipper.

And I just noticed I'm typing extraordinarily fast. I just wrote this whole post in about sixpointfive seconds. For real.