Friday, March 18, 2005

Does the "I'm Blogging This" t-shirt come in green?

Ahh... How do I begin a post sure to be fraught with ellipses and semi-drunken meanderings?

How ‘bout with the carnations?

Nah… too obvious.

Oh, I know. How ‘bout the casual utterance of the question, “… so do you go to church around here?” before I even had a drink in my hand?

No. That’s mean.

Ooh! I’ve got it! Let’s start with the Confederate. Flag. Belt. Buckle.

Yes! Aha! A suitable start-point. I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.*

St. Patrick’s Day, and what’s an Irish girl to do? (If you said, “Go on a blind date! Get wasted to avoid talking to said blind date! Actually employ the old ‘I have to wash my hair’ excuse!”... you win - hippie.)

So… yeah. Confederate flag belt buckle. Also:

1.) The Mullet (at once greasy and dry and frizzy. How does that happen?)

2.) The Sears’ Credit Card (as in, “I got sick of doing laundry at my parents’, so I bought me a washer and dryer. Spent ‘bout half the limit on ma Sears’ credit card.”)

3.) The Night Classes at Eastwood Community College (Me: “What did you study?” Him: “Ah, Automotive. Just two credits shy of getting’ ma degree. One of ‘em’s Algebra. Never did like no math. Only math I needs to know’s number hours ah worked times number dollars ah get per hour. Still need me a calculator to figger that out, though. Heh heh.”)

4.) The Fact That He Consumed One Beer to My Three (can’t fault him on that one though, really.)

5.) The Stubby, Oil-coated Fingers With Nails Chewed Down to the Quick (apropos, given the day’s earlier conversations about wife-beater-sporting Medieval Times-goers, and bone-licking-with-subsequent-finger-licking. I was asking for it, wasn’t I? Foreshadowing City, population… you know.)

6.) The Carnations (not quite good enough to lead off with, but worth mentioning nonetheless.)

7.) The Chain Wallet (‘nough said.)

8.) The Talking to My Chest Maneuver (I suppose he can’t be blamed for that one...)

9.) The Following Conversation Starter: “So I was at the liquor store, buyin’ my boss his Christmas present…” (Yeah, I don’t know.)

10.) This: “Right now I don't really have any goals to speak of. I am just living day to day” (published on those darn Internets, for all to see.)

I guess, in a way, this is a good thing. I got a few free drinks (although I paid my own cover because I knew from the carnations that I wasn’t going to be calling this guy back.) I got the motivation to write the rare mid-week blog update. I got a great laugh, with more to come, I’m sure. And I got tipsy. Everyone in the club’s doin’ it, or so I hear.

Also, I got to use my Coach purse – and the ‘washing my hair’ excuse – for the first time. What a productive night!

*I could, actually, make this stuff up if I tried. But what on Earth would possess me to try? It’s so much better when based on actuality.