Friday, January 07, 2005

"Welcome to Academia. Bitch."*

Northwesterners started their Winter Quarter on Monday, and I've already been assured that the two things that MUST happen Winter Quarter are indeed happening. One is snow ("ten feet" according to sources in Texas. And by "sources," I mean Mary.)The other is midterms (or quizzes or problem sets or projects or proposals) occurring about point-five seconds after classes commence. So, in the spirit of being tested on knowledge you don't yet possess (or possess by fluke,) a quiz:

1.) [Physics] The other day, our apartment was frickin' freezing; Mary (in six layers, including scarf) said she felt like "an effin' popcicle." This is not to be confused with a popcicle made of Effin brand vodka, because, as we all know, you put vodka in the freezer to chill it -- the freezer temperature is not low enough to make vodka freeze. At what temperature, then, DOES vodka freeze? (This is question #1 because it is of the utmost importance; I really WANT an Effin popcicle, now that I've had time to think about it.)

2.) [TV Trivia] Fill in the Blank.
Elaine: "I don't like to go to those back specialists. They all have clever names like 'Great Vertebrations' and __________."
Hal: "Oh, mine doesn't. It's called The Lumbar Yard."

3.) [Pop Culture Speculation] Jay-Z has 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one. So what are the 99? (I'll give you a bonus: one is "bad grammar/ use of the word 'ain't.' What are the other 98?)

4.) [EQ Trivia] Multiple Choice.
Erin is:
a. Not that innocent
b. Stronger than yesterday
c. Toxic
d. Overprotected
e. Not a girl, not yet a woman

5.) [General Knowledge] Am I right or am I right?

That's it, kiddos. There's no extra credit, but you can use your books. Highest score gets an Effin popcicle.

* Yeah, that title is stolen. Hence the quotation marks. But it's fitting, even if it's not being used as a (very effective) pick-up line.