Friday, December 17, 2004

Can’t Say I’ve Been “Missing” It, Bob

I’ve been having “Office Space” moments more and more lately.* Not to worry – it’s nothing a little empowering, impromptu karaoke-to-self action can’t fix; I think I just need a complete-weekend detox. Too bad that complete weekend is going to have to involve Christmas (and, necessarily, the shopping and wrapping and arguing and early rising and incessant cheery music and effed-up sugar cookies** that come with it.)

I haven’t been able to get into the spirit this year. I’m sure it has something to do with the combination of the absence of pre-holiday snow (at least I got to see it when I was in Evanston) and the ubiquitous presence of the excess and overindulgence so characteristic of Dallas. I’m over it, so I’ve decided to kind of sidestep feeling Christmas spirit and march right on ahead to New Years.

I’m always the first to say that New Years is a bullshit holiday. Everyone makes a big deal out of it and has these grand expectations of getting sloshed and making out. But, really, can’t you do that any other night of the year when drinks are cheaper and there are no silly metallic-cardboard tiaras you feel obligated to wear “because it’s a holiday”? I’m probably just jaded because I’ve never had a really good New Years make-out. Maybe this is the year…***

As much as that last statement is false (ha!), this is definitely true: this is the year to have a real stick-to-it resolution. I’ve been thinking about it, and now that I’ve cut some toxic behavior out of my agenda (see the first footnote again if you’ve forgotten) I can think about it even more. I’d like to say my resolutions will include trading Cosmo for something at least semi-reputable (that will never happen – if anything, I’ll continue reading Cosmo and then add something more reputable to my usual 8+ magazines a month), and squelching the urge to quote “Mean Girls” (but it’s just so applicable!) It will probably be more along the lines of “quit being a creative pushover.” Boring for you, kind of an exciting prospect for me. We shall see.

‘Til New Years, I have a little Penta**** aggression to take out on some Christmas ribbon. What is it about curling ribbon with razor-sharp scissors that’s so satisfying? I’m going to go with that refreshing little “zzzzzip!”

* Drinking at lunch and complaining about money have been duly removed from my metaphorical agenda (thus rendering said agenda almost completely empty.)

** When did my mom and I stop getting these right? I swear they were good for years. But the past couple of Christmases, there have been too many baking-soda-instead-of-baking-powder and butter-frosting-instead-of-powdered-sugar frosting incidents to count. Maybe we should save the eggnog for after the baking…

*** One reason that statement is so hilariously off-base: I think today I actually said something along the lines of “I can’t wait ‘til it’s 2005 so I can finally start using my cat calendar.”

**** Shut up – here’s the rule: A joke ceases to be funny once you package it as new and repeat in the presence of the first person you told it to. It resumes being funny once that first recipient resurrects in a new forum and tells it like she made it up. (But… will anyone else in this forum get it? Meh. Probably not. Oh well… now that I’ve used it, it’s fair game for anyone.)