Friday, December 31, 2004

Breakin' the law, breakin' the law

I got my first speeding ticket about ten minutes ago. Sweet, right? I should probably be pissed, or, more accurately, given my aim-to-please-yes-officer persona, shaken out of my wits. But I'm neither. Here's why:

1.) The good officer undershot my weight by about 30 pounds on the citation (despite the track-pants-and-t-shirt-getup, a product of just coming from the too-crowded-to-even-park gym), and

2.) I've decided to take the whole thing as a sign.

2004 was a year for dean's lists and diplomas and kick-ass interviews and dream jobs. It's the eve of 2005, and a speeding ticket (fine level TWO because I was going 13 over) is, I think, just what I need to kick off a year of being a badass. That's right: no more law-abiding, rule-following, grammatically correct pushover, no sir. Actually, screw that "sir;" pretend I said "no fuckin' way!... Bitch!"

Being nice has gotten me nowhere this year. Well, that's a lie. It's gotten me to work on Saturdays. It's gotten me to say yes when I mean no, to say nothing when I should be saying everything. It's gotten me a semblance of (air quotes) stability at a time when stability should be the last thing on my mind.

So... yeah. Don't be surprised if, come tomorrow, I tell you, "Fuck off. I'm off to knock over the Parkit Market and misplace some punctuation, so I don't have time for you and your bullshit." Don't be offended either. I don't want to burn too many bridges, since 2006 might turn out to be the year of reestablishing innocence lost to 2005.

Now: I am off to plead no contest to the internet police and pay my fine in a timely manner. Hey, being a badass is going to take some getting used to... and I still have 14 hours of good-girl left to endure.