Sunday, November 28, 2004

I hated "On the Road"

Things learned from this weekend's wedding/mini-reunion (perhaps an ongoing list):

1. There is a correct way to pronounce the word "podium," and then there is a hilarious way.
2. Some people never grow up (Vodka Claus is one of those people.)
3. When it comes to panic-attack-inducing locales, the airport trumps the mall any day of the year (yes, even the busiest shopping day of the year.)
4. "I feel like a rose sitting between two thorns" is NOT a compliment. Nor is it meaningful in the slightest.
5. When in the company of sober Navy boys, singing "In the Navy" is considered poor form. When in the company of less-than-sober Navy boys, nothing is considered poor form.
6. It is possible -- though frowned upon -- to check out a guy's ass while he's in line to take communion.
7. There is no need to worry that, as a non-Catholic, you will feel guilty about your religion--or lack thereof--following a Catholic wedding ceremony. There is an enormous need to worry that, as a single woman, you will feel guilty about your relationship status-- or lack thereof--following a Catholic wedding ceremony.
8. There is a Waffle House mafia. It owns Georgia. And why not? The fine folks at the WH can work a potato like nobody's damn business.
9. Though humiliating to admit, it is possible to suffer defeat at the hands of gigantic men who call themselves "Rainbow Warriors."
10. The FCC can censor "Saving Private Ryan," but can allow the line "I had the naughtiest dream about an improper fraction last night" to be uttered on a Saturday morning children's television program.
11. Nothing shows a couple love for each other more than when they push each other off a bed (in some cases inducing actual tears.)
12. If you're trying to throw your bouquet to a specific person, aim away from them; flowers will inevitably fly in the direction opposite the one you try for.
13. The Peanuts theme song is apparently appropriate to head-bang to.
14. You know your friendship is meant to last when it turns out you're wearing the exact same navy-with-light-blue-and-white paisly Victoria's Secret underwear as one another.
15. It is possible for the youngest people in a group to be "too old for this."